sickofitall

Well I was a bit disgruntled at the ridiculous attempts at historical accuracy but the bug that makes the enemy army stand there like statues whilst you waste them with archers was the last straw for me. For people who don’t have the game what happens is that you start a battle and at any given moment the CPU enemy will simply stop fighting, form up it’s troops and stand there doing absolutely nothing.

I don’t care if they fix this in a patch. I’ve seen some laughable excuses at PC games recently (Oblivion take a bow!) but churning out a game where the central idea is the tactical battles and then having the AI turn itself off at random moments is taking the piss in the extreme.

I’m off back to my PS2 again. At least the games are semi finished on that thing.

@Mr.Fenix wrote:

🙁 I was afraid this might be the case. Oh well, it means I can happily enjoy the old ones on budget release.

Yes, it had some annoying problems too which made no sense. The tutorial said I had to attack Nottingham and I should choose my army from the units available. Easy I thought, get all my knights and trample ’em for a laugh. Get up there and then it tells me that there’s a big castle there and blokes on horses are no use. Cheers for that. Never mind though, spend six months building siege ladders – my blokes made 2! For gods sake, are these the jokers that are building wembley stadium? Useless gits, 2 poxy ladders. So send up the ladders and get a bit of a space on the wall and then send in my cheap and cheerful militia. Oh, but they can’t climb ladders, too technical you see. You need special training to climb up a ladder. So I’ve got 200 knights sat around. 2000 militia who can’t work out how to climb a ladder and about 50 blokes who can actually win me the battle. Medieval, Total Farce more like!

@Mr.Fenix wrote:

Have you got Angela’s number handy? 😉

Thing with Angela was she was actually a really, really good looking bird. Long legs, big funbags and blonde hair down to her waist. How any woman as easy on the eye as her would want an ugly misongynistic bastard like me up to the makers name in her stamped bat in the first place absolutely beggars belief. What’s more, I saw her last year when I was out and it was absolutely bloody awful because she looked even better than she used to and she was sidling up to me as if she was still interested. Christ, if I’d been single I’d have been like a rat up a drainpipe.

There were only two things wrong with her:
1) She was an annoying cow
2) She had a fat mate. (“Christ, your bird is fit Mike,” people would say “but what’s that effin behemoth all about?”
“I know, it’s the mandatory fat mate, it’s not good is it?”
“No, you can say that again, what are you going to do?”
“Well obviously, I’ll have to get shut eventually fella but I might as well have a few more goes on her first”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you, just make sure you’re not still hanging around with the hothwomper in a fortnight or it’ll start to get shameful. Still, it’s a killer though because that Angela’s a looker.”
“I know mate, it’s just my fucking luck that.”)

So you see, I don’t have her number. Problem is that for some unfathomable reason my mentalist missus doesn’t like me keeping phone numbers of good looking blonde birds. She gets a bit arsey about it and burns my tea on purpose. It’s just not worth the hassle.

People need consoles for the 6 months waiting time you have when you buy a new PC game and have to wait for the patch that makes the steaming pile of shit work properly. Them’s the facts.

I’d like to see a programme where they get all these programme makers who think that watching “celebrities” doing shit boring stuff is interesting, lock them in a room and shoot them with shit for an hour. Last night I saw an advert for a TV programme where celebrities cut people’s hair! Honest to god, I’m not making this up either. They’ve actually made a TV show where you can sit and watch someone you saw on an advert once cut some punters hair. Absolutely unbelievable. To be fair though, given the way most teenagers look these days you obviously don’t need to be good at cutting hair to make a living out of it. I’m constantly amazed at how many kids I see these days who obviously went to the barbers and said “Give me shittest hair cut that you can barber, and try to make it look a bit girly as well”. Kids these days, they don’t know their born.

I remember that drawing competition. Sprogs politically correct yellow jap shouting Yoogli (first pic, page 3) wins hands down. I still laugh at that one.

When I was a young un I remember quite clearly winning an egg and spoon race. Did I get a prize? Did I get to go see the good looking teenage girl in her fancy dress that, even at 8 years old, gave me a funny, unexplainable tingly feeling in my willy? Did she congratulate me and give me a medal and a bag of sweets? Well, actually yes all that did happen but that’s not the point. See, some 25 years down the road now I’m utterly at a loss to understand why no-one will fawn over the fact that I once won a completely meaningless event that 99.99% of the population didn’t even know happened, and that the other 0.01% thought was a complete and utter waste of time anyway.

I don’t know why that suddenly occurred to me, I think I must sometimes wonder if anyone else has ever had a similar experience?

It was indeed. I wanted to like it but I always thought that using 3 stone when wet students favourite and professional annoying tit Jarvis Cocker to play the entire Alien horde was a pretty bad case of miscasting.