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August 26, 2009 at 6:52 am #18912XDCiNSANEParticipant
Tomb Raider
After Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life – the second movie to star Angelina Jolie as the gun-toting archaeologist Lara Croft – we’d heard precious little about any further instalments of the series. Until early this year that is, with Warner Bros. and increasingly prolific producer Dan Lin (Terminator Salvation, Sherlock Holmes) officially announcing plans for a new, Jolie-less reboot of the game-inspired series. Lin said they would “re-imagine” the busty explorer’s origins, and that the new movie would be more “realistic” than previous instalments.
Judge Dredd
The 1995 Sylvester Stallone version of Judge Dredd was a godawful mess of a movie, opting for comedy and a helmet-free Dredd over the dark and brooding nature of the source material. Hopefully this new version – guaranteed to be a Sly-free zone – will be as archaic and ultravlionet as stories that generations of British comic book fans grew up with. Rebellion, publisher of the 2000 AD comics, is developing with Brit-based producers DNA. More on the project when we have it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The last big screen outing for the amphibian crime fighters was the middling animation TMNT back in 2007. Now 300 producer Scott Mednick is on the case for this reboot of the live-action films, the last of which came out in 1993 (and was heavily inspired by Kurosawa classic The Seven Samurai). For the new version, expect sinister sounding ‘face-replacement technology’ to make the green heroes a bit more realistic, as well as an overall vision that remains faithful to Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman’s original comics.
Daredevil
This oft-mooted reboot of the Marvel character is certainly a long shot. Many fans still have bad memories of the lame Ben Affleck-starring 2003 version. 20th Century Fox head honcho Tom Rothman doesn’t think that would necessarily stand in the way of a reboot however, if “a visionary at the level [of] Chris Nolan” could be found to direct. Recently there was also a fairly dubious rumour about BSG star Kate Sackoff playing Daredevil villain Typhoid Mary.
Predators
A reboot of the series that – praise the lord – should also totally ignore the increasingly wretched AvP movies. Robert Rodriguez is producing the project, with the Sin City co-helmer hiring Danish director Nimrod Antal (Vacancy) to direct. Rodriguez has promised a Batman Begins-style reinvention of the series rather than a sequel or straight-up remake, and will “take the character everybody loves, but rethink it and make it for the time.” The question is though; will Arnie be back for a cameo?
The Crow
As far as we know The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen helmer Stephen Norrington is still on to direct an update of the James O’Barr comic, and will be looking for a different tone to the Alex Proyas 1994 version. Norrington told Variety: “Whereas Proyas’ original was gloriously gothic and stylized, the new movie will be realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style.” Norrington hasn’t been able to get a movie off the ground since League however, so we’re not holding our breath. Proyas really isn’t happy about it either, saying: “The whole notion of remaking it, to me, is just ridiculous and I’d have nothing to do with it.”
Conan the Barbarian
The past few months has seen two major updates about the Conan reimagining. Firstly Marcus Nispel – who helmed the decent Friday the 13th reboot – was was hired as director. Then we heard a rumour that Roland Kickinger – a 41-year-old Austrian actor who looks an awful lot like original Conan Arnold Schwarzenegger – was the frontrunner for the title role, although this has since seemingly been debunked. The film is set to begin shooting later this year, so expect to hear much concrete news about it in the next few months.
Robocop
Last year it was announced that Darren Aronofsky would helm a remake of Paul Verhoeven’s classic satire, with studio MGM promising an “edgy and provocative” film. However the director then announced he would be working on thriller Black Swan next, so Robocop is on the back-burner, with production not scheduled to start until mid-2010 at the earliest. However if/when it does get a release, consider us excited.
Fantastic Four
Not a dead cert this one, but a complete reboot for Marvel’s first family would certainly be intriguing. Whilst the two Tim Story-directed efforts did reasonable business, many felt they were too light and campy – especially after The Dark Knight, and Marvel’s own Iron Man. Fox boss Tom Rothman said as much recently, telling IESB he wanted a new FF franchise to be “less bubblegum” and to “follow the Iron Man template”. Nonetheless, we’ve heard nothing concrete about this, so don’t expect a darker, more moody Fantastic 4 for a while.
Mortal Kombat
We thought the proposed reboot of the (pretty mediocre) Mortal Kombat franchise was dead in the water, having not heard anything about it for the last two years. That was until a strange story popped up in the San Gabriel Valley Tribune this July, with Chris Casamassa – the actor who played Scorpion in the first Kombat – saying he would be reprising his role for a new MK filming this September. It’s hardly the most substantial evidence, but the news did spookily coincide with the end of the long-running legal dispute between Midway and previous MK producer Larry Kasanoff, allowing the film rights to change hands, so watch this space…
Superman
It’s inevitable that someone will make a new Superman movie, but that’s the only thing certain about the future of the troubled superhero franchise. A legal dispute between Warner Bros. and co-creator Jerry Siegel is just the latest in a long line of problems that has dogged the project. Hell, we don’t even know if the movie will be a reboot, although the online rumour mill has increasingly seemed to suggest that Brandon Routh and Bryan Singer won’t be involved. One of the latest – and most intriguing – peices of gossip we’ve heard is that the Wachowski borthers (of The Matrix fame) have been planning to produce a large-scale reboot, with their protégé James McTeigue on directing duties – a rumour he did little to dispell earlier this month.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
We end with a reboot that’s definitely happening, and one we hope will be rather good. Platinum Dunes, who masterminded the far-better-than-it-should-have-been Friday the 13th update, is hoping to do the same for Freddy Krueger, with Rorschach himself – Jackie Earle Haley – donning the character’s iconic clawed gloves. With the franchise becoming camp and humorous in later instalments, the producers have seemingly concentrated on returning to the dark, scary roots of the original… that’s if the footage IGN saw at Comic-Con is anything to go by.
September 11, 2009 at 11:03 am #73964sickofitallParticipantTomb Raider
Lin said they would “re-imagine” the busty explorer’s origins, and that the new movie would be more “realistic” than previous instalments. So we’re gonna get an hour of Lara Croft talking about what’s happening on fucking Eastenders before she jumps on her high powered bike, and weaves expertly through heavy traffic to get home just in time to watch Eastenders.
Judge Dredd
The 1995 Sylvester Stallone version of Judge Dredd was a godawful mess of a movie, opting for comedy and a helmet-free Dredd over the dark and brooding nature of the source material. The new version will be just as bad of course. If you think that for one second a film about a pillock in a crap helmet and a blue spandex catsuit who can’t even fucking swear properly is going to be any good you need to give yourself a good shake.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Leaving aside the obvious shortcomings here (ie Ninja Terminator, Ninja Champion, Zombie vs Ninja, Ninja the Protector and any other Godfrey Ho films will simply blow this out of the water) this film is only gonna be any good if they finally accept the inevitable and let the turtle people give that reporter bird a right good gangbanging.
Daredevil
A re-make of a film no-ones ever heard of. Typhoid Mary sounds like a good villain though. Some bird sat on a high rise building shatting on passers by has promise.
Predators
A reboot of the series that – praise the lord – should also totally ignore the increasingly wretched AvP movies. Robert Rodriguez is producing the project, with the Sin City co-helmer hiring Danish director Nimrod Antal (Vacancy) to direct. Oh great. That bloke who did Sin City, that’ll be good. So loads of washed out colours and ridiculous mongoloid characters fighting for no discernable reason. At least you’ll finally get one of the great mysteries answered – who would win in a fight? A highly advanced 8 foot tall reptilian alien or a twatting luminous orange goblin.
The Crow
“Whereas Proyas’ original was gloriously gothic and stylized, the new movie will be realistic, hard-edged and mysterious, almost documentary-style.” A realistic Crow movie. Not gonna work. Man loves bird, gang tries to rape bird, man intervenes, man and bird gets murdered by gang. Cut to cemetery. Family member at gravestone, crow lands on headstone, family member looks startled “oh my god, this is a sign. This crow isn’t ready to take my loved ones soul yet, instead he’ll be raised as an avenging angel of death to wreak bloody violent justice on those who wronged him!!†Me walking past. “Don’t talk shite, it’s just a crow. Get a grip you bell end.†Roll credits.
Conan the Barbarian
The past few months has seen two major updates about the Conan reimagining. Firstly Marcus Nispel – who helmed the decent Friday the 13th reboot – was was hired as director. And no amount of bikinis, decapitations or battles will stop a film about some bloke running round in his grundies from being completely suspect. Fact.
Robocop
Last year it was announced that Darren Aronofsky would helm a remake of Paul Verhoeven’s classic satire, with studio MGM promising an “edgy and provocative” film. A film in which Robocop doesn’t solve any crimes because, having learned from the first films the crooks realise that he minces about like Larry Grayson and moves about as fast as my mates 32 stone bird on a pedalo. So instead of skulking around in abandoned warehouses when he turns up they all just run away
Fantastic Four
A great opportunity for a realistic, but short film. The fantastic four turn up in Manchester to stop a betting shop being robbed. They quickly spring into action to stop the criminals but things take a turn for the worse when they all get shivved and are left dying on the shop floor. As they expire it suddenly dawns on the four of them that 1) There are no such things as superheroes and they are, in fact, just a bunch of fat speccy nerds who read too many comics and were totally unprepared to take on a gang of hardened criminals and 2) There are in fact only 3 of them and a blow up sex doll because having spent all their time getting fat and nerdy by sitting around reading comics (and no doubt playing Dungeons & Dragons) all day none of them actually knew a real bird who they could bring along to be “plasticine woman†or whatever the fuck she’s called.
Mortal Kombat
No point in a re-make, you can’t improve upon that bit where that kung fu master kicks sevens shades of stringy shit out of that kid in the first one. Brilliant fun, and nearly got me chucked out of the cinema I was laughing so much.
Superman
Oh, this’ll be good. “I’ve finally beat you Superman. I invented a contraption to nullify your super strength, I invented something else to stop your laser beam eyes, my third invention countered your ability to fly, and my last invention rendered your unfathomable and illogical ability to be bomb/bulletproof redundant.â€
“That’s fair enough, but I just remembered that I can rewind time so I can go back and stop you doing any of this.â€
“Oh yes, of course you can. How stupid of me not to realise. While we’re at it, are there any other superpowers you want to invent as you go along? Cos if there are, you could save us all a lot of time and effort by letting us know in advance. Or are you just trying to waste my fucking time here?â€September 11, 2009 at 6:52 pm #73965xdc the docParticipantROFL.
You are wasted on this forum.
September 14, 2009 at 7:03 am #73966XDCiNSANEParticipant😆 too true!
March 24, 2010 at 2:17 pm #73967XDCNeonSamuraiParticipantToo be honest, with ideas like that SOIA should be a movie producer.
😆 😆 😆
March 24, 2010 at 7:00 pm #73968MiloParticipantSOIA is still my kind of guy. I don’t mean that in a “Women in Love,” log fire way. More, a kind of a JJ Hunsecker/ Sidney Falco kinda of way…
April 4, 2010 at 7:39 pm #73969airmessyParticipantHe should make a blog tbh. Genius!
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