Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Here’s the shortened version of that article which is a bit easier to read.

@=XDC=JuDgE-MenTaL wrote:

Sunday September 23, 2007
The Observer

Tuesday, 10pm, home dressing room, Stamford Bridge. Abramovich tells Essien to stop being shit. He did it behind Maureens back! Let’s all act like ‘kin kids eh?

Tuesday, 7:11pm, the home dressing room. John Terry proper spits his dummy out when he finds out that Maureen has been publicly asking people why he’s so shit. He says it’s not fair and he’s not playing anymore. Thankfully it’s sorted out by another player who tells him that everyone loves him and he shouldn’t listen to Maureen who is always picking on him.

Unfortunately, Terry gives away a goal on account of him actually being shit and Maureen tells him at half time. Paddington bear stares all round, though witnesses do say that Terry’s bottom lip was going.

John Terry has decided he’s “not friends” anymore with Maureen.

“The relationship broke down because rather than acting like adults we all decided to behave like schoolgirls and wet our knickers.’ – Jose Mourinho, 21 September 2007.

Let’s go back to the summer of 2005.

Chelsea win fuck all for donkeys years and then suddenly win the title twice. Someone points out that this is all about some russian spending over 200 million quid on the team. Despite being completey effing obvious, this upsets people.

Loads of crap about how no-one likes Maureen. Big news this. I mean, it’s not as if he’s an arrogant little squirt who most people wouldn’t piss on if he was on fire.

Abramovich is sick of Maureen not buying his football player mates with his money so tells him he can’t have any more spending money.

Shevchenko, the most prolific goalscorer in Italy for over 5 years is suddenly crap overnight. This is either down to him a) completely losing the ability to play football or b) having some fat bloke who says “sewpergows” (instead of supergoals) aimlessly lump the ball up to him, instead of Pirlo and Kaka knocking it into his feet so he can score. Hmmmm, tough one.

Maureen asks if he can have some spending money, Abramovich sez no.

Chelsea fans at the games still love Maureen, the ones that manage to stay awake that is. They beat Wigan 4-0. Chelsea domintate the game totally, So much so that half the Wigan team are in their jim jams by the 60th minute.

Abramovich stops going to the games. It’s not that he’s in a strop or anything. It’s just that he painted his living room in Chelsea blue and got confused watching the paint dry. “At last Shevchenko is coming good” he is heard to say whilst staring at his living room wall.

Maureen and Abramovich kiss and make up, but secretly Abramovich is bitter about Maureen refusing to buy the Dulux dog. “We might have beaten Dulux United 3-0 at the end of last season in my back bedroom” says Abramovich “but that dog is just the cover we need at left back for when Ass Cole gets injured”.

Avram Grant is a ‘Mossad Spy’. Not a great qualification for a football coach but at least no religious nutters are like to hijack the team on the way to the Olympics and shoot ’em all. At least not any religious nutters who’ve seen that pony Spielberg film anyway.

Grant is overheard in his office asking fatso Lampard ‘You look sad, why?’ ‘How do you feel in this position?’ ‘Does it hurt when I do this?’

Shevchenko paid 121 grand a week to play golf. What a waste of money! Thank god it’s all coming out of Abramovich’s pocket! How much is a Chelsea season ticket, by the way?

Things weren’t going well, but at least Maureen got a free trip to Geneva.

Abramovich tells Maureen that he can’t play anymore and has to go. Tragically, Maureen only gets 10 million quid. That’s a right fucking shame that is.

Maurren goes back to the ground to get his stuff. Drogba and fatso cry like pathetic little girls.

Senior players describe Grant’s appointment as ‘a disgrace’. Some at Cobham call him ‘an idiot’ and describe his coaching techniques as ’25 years behind the times’. Abramovich pushes the Israeli around ‘without a hint of respect’. Obviously, some players have never seen that pony Spielberg film.

Abramovich’s mate is made coach. Wow, great big conspiracy here or what?

Essien didn’t get picked on Tuesday, must still be shit then.

SOIA – where do you come up with them, hilarious and true !

Gotta admit that as much as I disliked Mourinho, I respected him for what he did at Chelsea. He took the core of what was already there and drilled into them a fantastic discipline and self belief, to the point of utter arrogance. As pointed out, a lot of the expensive rubbish at Chelsea came due to Roman’s friends.
With Mourinho gone I can only see Terry’s head growing bigger to the point where Cech won’t be required in goal anymore, but I can’t see results following suite. I won’t say I ever thought Mourinho was the “Special One”, but he was great for Chelsea. With him gone, Roman bossing about, CA$hley still there, big head Terry and Lumpard still around, any wonder that Chelsea is not much liked ?
Can we now sit back and watch the Russian’s toy fall apart ?

That’ll learn ’em:

@a journalist wrote:

Abramovich might be regretting his populist decision to watch his team’s goalless draw with Fulham among the hardcore fans in the Shed End. As Drogba saw red for landing his studs on Chris Baird’s right shoulder and Fulham came close to ending Chelsea’s long unbeaten run at Stamford Bridge, supporters turned on the owner. One threw his shirt to the ground and screamed abuse at the Russian: many, many more sang Mourinho’s name to Abramovich’s face. At the end of the game, according to an eye witness, chief executive Peter Kenyon was verbally abused and spat at.

nah Kenyon deserves it, hes a cock