An Ode to Squad Leader UnderPants on Karkland yesterday

I was a PFC on a search patrol huntin’ Osama down
It was in the Karkland Streets of 2005
My weapon jammed and I got stuck way out and all alone
And I could hear the enemy movin’ in close outside
Just then I heard a foot step and I grabbed my empty gun
And I dug in scared while I counted down my fate
And then a big marine, a medic with a pair of friendly eyes
Appeared there at my shoulder and said “Wait!”
When he came in close beside me he said “Don’t worry, son, I’m here”
“If Osama wants to tangle now he’ll have two to dodge”
I said “Well, thanks alot”, I told him my name and asked him his
And he said “The boys just call me UnderPants”

Whoa UnderPants, things are never quite the way they seem
Whoa UnderPants, I was awfully glad to see this big marine

We fought all night and side by side, we took our battle stance
And I wondered how the bullets missed this man
’cause they seemed to go right through him just as if he wasn’t there
And in the mornin’ we both took a chance and ran
And it was here the river bank when the ambush came on top of us
And I’d thought it was the end and we were had
Then a bullet with my name on it came buzzin’ through a bush
And that big marine, he just swat it with his hands
Just like it was a fly!

Whoa UnderPants, things are never quite the way they seem
Whoa UnderPants, this was an awfully strange marine

And I knew there was something weird about him
’cause when I turned around he was pullin’ a big palm tree
right up out of the ground
and swattin’ those MEC guys with it from here to kingdom come)

When he led me out of danger, I saw my camp and waved goodbye
but he just winked at me from the desert and then was gone
And when I got back to my HQ I told ’em about my night
And the battle I’d spent with a big marine named UnderPants
When I said his name a soldier gulped and the medic took my arm
And led me to a green tent on the right
He said “You may be tellin’ true boy, but this here is UnderPants”
“And he’s been right here since he passed away last night”
“In fact he’s been here all week long”
“But before he went he said ‘semper fi’ and said his only wish”
“Was to save a young marine caught in a barrage”
“So here, take his dog tag son, I know, he’d want you to have it now”
And we both said a prayer for a big marine named UnderPants

Whoa UnderPants, things are never quite the way they seem
Whoa UnderPants, this was an awfully strange marine

Whoa UnderPants, things are never quite the way they seem
Whoa UnderPants, this was an awfully big marine

Whoa UnderPants
Whoa UnderPants…

With appologies to Stan Ridgeway.