Never mind RO – a realistic PS2 game for you.

This is a bit of an oldy but being a bit of a tight c**t I only bought it when it came out on the cheap so that’s why I’m telling you all about it now.

Bradford on a Friday Night – Officially called Resident Evil 4 on release, this has you as a geezer trying to find a decent pint in the 3rd biggest dunghole in the country. You are realistically accosted by vacant eyed, shambling cretins who shout incoherently and all think you’re looking at their bird, a pissed up salad dodging monstrosity who you only glanced at as she was coming down the stairs because you thought she was going to go arse over tit and flatten you. A bit like that bit in Raiders of the Lost Ark when Harrison Ford has to run like fuck because that boulders coming.

Anyhow, it’s an absolute top game, capturing quite well the feeling of despair and utter hopelessness you feel in town when you realise that you’re stuck there for the night and really just wished you’d stopped at home and lobotomised yourself by watching Celebrity Nose Picking or something shite like that.

So you go from location to location, eventually catching the attentions of this strumpety little scratter who obviously wants it but of course you can’t do anything because although she’s got big juggs it’s obvious that she’s only about 14 and even a fumble will have the busies on you faster than you can blink.

The game only misses out from a true “sim” status because right at the end of the game you finally get hold of a decent beer only to have some stuck up but shaggable bird piss off with it just as you’re about to sit down and enjoy it. Whilst this is perfectly realistic and completely typical the continuity breaks at this point because, as everyone knows, there are no fit birds in Bradford.

I’m not telling you what’s going to happen whilst playing this game, but if you come across this tarty bit whilst playing you might want to shoot the pint nicking bitch pronto.