300

I like that, I’m a big ghey because I thought the film with half naked men touching each other up all the time with their spears out splashing bodily fluids on each other was crap. It got 3 because of the couple of glimpses of naked lady tit, not the hour and a half of man tits and a stroppy drag queen.

LOL!!! You sound like a massive gay!*

*If any members of Thames Valley police are reading this then please don’t arrest me.

LOL

But you do have a point Vic. If those spartans had at least worn football shirts it would have been less homoerotic.

Thou I couldnt get out of my mind that the bloke telling the story was the same chappy out of Van-Helsing

Wasnt he Boromirs brother from LOTR too though?

Here’s the scenes they cut which would have made this film good.

Scene 1 – in Sparta, before the messenger arrives
Spartan citizen 1 “Hey, something’s been bothering me”
Citizen 2 “Yes, I know, them Persians. Nothing but trouble.”
Citizen 1 “No, it’s not that. It’s Leonidas. You see, you know how our warriors are born in Sparta and raised from birth to represent our warrior state. How their Spartan blood allows them to undergo terrible hardships and kill giant wolves when they’re 12 years old? Thing is, I’m not even sure that King Leonidas is from around these parts”
Citizen 2 “Nah, that can’t be right. He’s as Spartan as the rest of us.”
Citizen 1 “Yeah, fair enough. Probably just me. Talk of the devil – here he comes now. Morning Leonidas, how’s it going sire?”
Leonidas “Och aye the noo. Donald where’s yoo troosers, See you Jimmy!”

Scene 2 – Fighting the immortals
Spartan soldier “Immortal are you? Let’s see then – die, taste cold steel, have some o that. Not so tough without your mask are we?
….
….
Alright hang on a minute. Stop fighting. Everybody, stop fighting. STOP FIGHTING EVERYONE AND LISTEN. Right. Okay then. Where do we start with this? Look, I know it’s based on a comic and all but this battle did actually happen you know. Now come on, artistic license and all that. You know, the dual katanas were a bit off in truth but why the fuck are we fighting orcs all of a sudden! You lot must be in the wrong film. And what the fuck is that over there?!! Where the hell did the bloody ogre come from? Okay everyone. Now stop messing about. Let’s start again. And do it properly this time.”

Scene 3
Battle scene
Spartan soldier 1 “What manner of strange beasts are these?”
Soldier 2 “These are elephants lad”
Soldier 1 “Why do you shake your head brother?”
Soldier 2 “Alright, stop again. Come on, stop again. You, put that spear down. Now then. Elephants are not 90 feet tall, alright? What is wrong with you people? Take ‘em away and find some proper elephants.”

Scene 4 – Persian camp
Xerxes “I am most displeased, what with being a god king and all that, and those Spartans still remain undefeated. Kill this general!”
Persian general “Oh no, spare me sire. If you give me one more chance….
Err, one question.”
Xerxes “What is it?”
General “Given that your empire spans a thousand nations and your army runs into the hundreds of thousands. That you have countless cultures and people fighting under your standard, perhaps you could tell me where you think your executioner is from? I mean, what country exactly is it where people are born with swords for arms and no neck? Where is that exactly? You know, I’ve travelled a bit and I consider myself a man of the world and well I’m flummoxed.”
Xerxes “See, er, never mind that, begone general. I am generous this time and I’ll let you live. Never question me again!”
General “Yeah, I thought you’d say that.”

Scene 5 – The final battle
Xerxes “Destroy them!”
Persian soldier “No.”
Xerxes “What?!”
Soldier “See, thing is Xerxes, me and the lads have been talking see. Now, I’m as open minded as the next bloke and you know, live and let live and all that. But thing is, and there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come right out with it – following around a 14 foot tall drag queen is quite frankly embarrassing. Yeah, I know these Spartans aren’t perfect on that front. They wear leather shorts and look more than a bit suspect themselves and their king is about as Spartan as Jimmy Krankie but when it comes down to it the lads have sat and cogitated over this and we’ve decided to swap sides see. It wouldn’t be so bad if you just tried to look like a girl but quite honestly that Marilyn Mansun shite that comes from your tent at all hours just pisses everyone right off as well. So, if it’s all the same to you mate, we’ve decided join up with Robert the fucking Bruce here instead and kill you instead”.

was gonna ppost on this but It seems SOIA has summed it up perfectly

😆 😆 😆 😆