Classic Movies – The Ninja Squad

There are far too many negative reviews on here. So to redress the balance I’ll do a few for absolutely top films that you might have missed. So this is one you’ve got to see – The Ninja Squad.

This is a Godfrey Ho film, easily the best director ever – so you know you are onto a winner. As in all Godfrey Ho films, the story here is “multi-layered”. Anyone who thinks that it’s just an old film from Hong Kong badly dubbed with a new story badly spliced with western actors fighting is clearly mental, so don’t even go there.

One story tells of the ninja “Billy”. Billy is from Hong Kong, where all ninjas come from of course, but speaks with an Australian accent, probably due to his ninja training. Billy returns home from ninja school and unfortunately finds that there are no jobs around which require being a fully qualified ninja (seriously, I’m not making this up). He also finds that his girlfriends dad doesn’t want his daughter to see Billy anymore on account of him being a “bad ninja”. And just when things can’t get any worse then Billy finds himself on the wrong side of the local heavies after telling them that his mum is no longer paying protection money to the local crime lord. The crime lord sends out his men, led ably by the evil bloke from Hong Kong with the shades, seventies moustache and mexican accent, to put paid to this upstart ninja once and for all.

Meanwhile, in the other totally related story which melds seamlessly into the struggles of Billy, his ninja master, who is an american bloke called Gordon, is challenged by the nefarious evil ninja “Ivan The Red” to mortal combat for the accolade of being the ultimate ninja. Now make no mistake, Ivan The Red is the single most evil character in any film ever. Not only is he a ninja, but he dresses in red and has an evil laugh. He’s a bit like the terminator would be if the terminator didn’t look like a professional gaylord when compared to Ivan The Red. Gordon is reluctant to fight Ivan, who swears to kill a ninja every month until Gordon meets his challenge. This might be a bit of a problem you would think. But luckily, in the secretive world of the ninja they are able to identify each other due to the fact that they all wear brightly coloured outfits and wear a headband which says “Ninja” across them. Which makes sense if you think about it. I mean, how else would you hire a ninja if they hid away and pretended not to be ninjas 24 hours a day?

So, that’s basically the story, and to tell you anymore would be to spoil the film. Suffice to say that on the back of most DVD’s the box saying features generally gives you loads of guff about 10 minutes extra directors commentary cut scene tosh which basically means that you get to see the bit that was cut because it was too shit to put in the original film. Ninja Squad’s features are quoted as “Ultimate ninja action”. An ambitious boast, but one that it lives up to and then some.

Here’s a taster, where Ivan The Red himself challenges the white ninja. The superb acting in this scene alone is worth the price of the film.

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This film gets 10/10. This is clearly beyond any and all argument. The only reason not to see this film is because once you do 99% of all films you see will pale into insignificance in comparison.