Idiots

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill
the ants.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote “this. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK”
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
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Number Four Idiot of 2006

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
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Number Five Idiot of 2006

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t
believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Six of 2006

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2006

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge? To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
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IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross
the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of
mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it
signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, “What
on earth are blind people doing driving?!” She was a probation officer in
Wichita , KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was
leaving the company due to” downsizing.” Our manager commented cheerfully,
“This is fun. We should do this more often.” Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This
was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn’t understand why her
system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no
less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. “Hey,” I
announced to the technician, “its open!” His reply, “I know – I already got
that side.” This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !