The joys of fatherhood

Well here’s the tale of my Saturday evening….

Wife gone out for a hen night, and not back until the morning. So I have 4 year old son to look after. Easy I think: a play in the garden for a couple of hours, lazy tea in front of the telly, bathtime then in bed for stories about 7ish. Rest of evening just me & my cans of Stella to catch up on a load of TV that’s been Sky plussed.

But, oh no……….

After 90 minutes of playing in garden, Reece pulls down trousers & pants very urgently to do a wee (stand up weeing is a new skill he’s learnt, and he’s very proud of it). Now, normally he doesn’t go in the garden, but like all of us he sometime gets so engrossed in having fun he leaves things until the last second.

So, still no major drama.

After 10 seconds I hear the plaintiff cry of “Daddy! Poo!”. So I rush across, to find all sorts of very squidgy crap coming out of his bum. So I lift him up, point arse updwards, run into house, and put him on the downstairs loo. He’s a little distressed, comfort him, and then run upstairs to fetch clean pants & shorts.

I dive into his wardrobe, grab said items, close the door, and start to retrace my steps.

AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!! Brown marks on the carpet !!!!!! 😯 😯

Stop – lift up foot to examine my shoe. Sure enough, entire sole of one shoe covered in shit. Or rather, was covered in shit, but now rather obviously smeared into the carpets of landing, stairs, hallway, kitchen floor, and even the decking outside.

So I’ve spent most of the evening cleaning crap, disinfecting carpets, scrubbing my deck, and clearing the stuff off the lawn. What a way to spend a Saturday night……

Anyway, just thought I would share my misery with you as now I’m going to have a drink or three.

PS: My boy is now fine, and sleeping soundly without a care at all in his peaceful little blond head. The git.