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Speaking as a seasoned (and I like to think) expert at reviewing films I’d like to point out that most of the sub-standard film reviewers (mostly the staff at Empire Magazine) miss the point of most films.
Look at Blade Runner. When it came out it was panned, but a quarter of a century later the reviewers finally ‘got it’. And now it gets much critical acclaim. Plus, if you want to see a reason why most film reviewers should be lined up against a wall and shot, just look at the Oscars.
The world needs film reviewers as much as it needs food reviewers (don’t see them much do you?) Can you imagine somebody who’s never met you before telling you which food you should like, based on their own opinions? The only person who I can think of who does that is Cowboy, and he’s normally wrong.
Neon says:
DON’T READ FILM REVIEWS
Make those opinionated fuckers work for a living.
Obviously except Richard Bacon, who keeps it real:
THE DEATH OF MR LAZARESCU COMEDY Cert: 15
THIS is like the longest, most depressing episode of Casualty you’ll ever see, but in Hungarian. It consists of 63-year-old Mr Lazarescu (I was going to tell you the actor’s name, but it won’t mean a bloody thing to you), who seems to be dying from a duodenal ulcer and a cerebral haematoma, and is driven to different hospitals all night. With his little knitted cap, he looks like a Soviet version of Compo from Last Of The Summer Wine, but instead of going down the Yorkshire dales in a bath-tub, Mr L slips 7 in one and gets a critical head injury. (Admittedly, this is about as funny as Last Of The Summer Wine.)Weirdly, after being bored for an hour, I quite began to enjoy it, but I don’t know why.
It’s really slow-paced, but somehow a bit hypnotic. He feeds his cat. A neighbour returns a borrowed drill. He’s sick in an ambulance. I’m not sure if he even dies. It just kind of ends.
But I did learn that Hungarian women doctors are fit. This film’s big point is that even if your death is a big deal to you, to doctors you’re just another job.
You’ll fall into one of two camps with this film… you’ll either hate it or be a bit bored.
http://www.people.co.uk/showbiz/baconatthemovies/tm_column_date=09072006-name_index.html
Okay, so video game addiction is a ‘bad thing’, but on the same page they had a link to this page:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5185554.stm
So an entire generation of a family are becoming male ballerinas. Why are there not help groups to stop this sort of thing from happening? If god had intended men to dance he’d have made lurching around with a pint held aloft slurring “Oh Sally can’t wait, you know it’s to late and she’s eaten that pie. Oh Sally can’t wait, so don’t look back in anger ‘cos Gazzer’s gay.”
Tim could not even wrestle himself away from the screen for long enough to go to the toilet.
“I take an empty bottle and I pee into it,” he said.
Pah! That’s got nothing to do with computer game addiction. That’s just laziness. If my patio doors are open I can normally arc my wee into the flower beds whilst laying on the sofa, making maximum use of my leisure time to relax and use up less oxygen.
The government should be giving people like me tax breaks.
@=XDC=OldPhart wrote:
That is my real name, anyone giggling and I will kick Itchinads
Hmmm… Poor Itchi. Oh well, I guess it’ll be worth it.
*Commences Giggling*
@=XDC=iNSANE wrote:
What bumming you do in your own time is not as importanrt as these here Forums! 😀
😆 😆 😆
‘Entertained’ indeed.
@von smallhousen wrote:
F**k you I’m ‘avin this space to do some rival clan pimping! woot!
Blimey! And I thought Pharty was a posh bloke, but Von Small’s picture makes our resident Australian look like a grubby street urchin. I know Pharty’s got the pipe, but Von Small’s got a full-on soup strainer and a monocle to boot.
He’s possibly the poshest person I’ve ever seen.
And I once spied on Kirsty Alsop.
Alright, it was me.
And I’d have gotten away with it too if wasn’t for you meddling kids and your stupid dog.
“Rooby, Rooby Doo!”
Would you like to go back to the old ‘Ave it! avatar (ave-it-ar!), or shall I knock you up a new one with less chav tendencies?
Are you still doing shiftwork Beer? We could try and hit him early one morning. I doubt that we’ll get his fleet, but we could mess up his defences and steal his res. If dr1p’s around we could tuck him up a treat.
Them’s some classy birds.
Do you reckon the person taking the picture said “Okay, now for this picture I want you to look as common as possible.”
Pretty good. A well realised character given the Coogan twist. Particularly liked Coogan as the creepy drug user from last weeks show.
We could hit him pretty easily. He’s not that tough:
Resources on Home IV [1:365:5] at 07-18 07:30:07
Metal: 201626 Crystal: 308048
Deuterium: 53840 Energy: 7947
Fleets
Solar Satellite 118
Defense
Rocket Launcher 225 Light Laser 1000
Heavy Laser 118 Gauss Cannon 19
Ion Cannon 118 Plasma Turret 3
Small Shield Dome 1 Large Shield Dome 1
Anti-Ballistic Missiles 10 Interplanetary Missiles 10He’s only got 3 plasma cannons on his planet and not much else. His moon might be a problem, but I’m sure we could all ACS him and kick his ass.
Depends on the map, if I’m commander and if I’m squadded up or not.
I think I spend about equal ammounts of time as support, spec ops and AT, although I like playing sniper if I’m on a different server to XDC. I love playing in armour, but only if no-one else wants to. On a map like Karki, armour can be the deciding factor as to if your team wins or not.
Sniper’s a good kit to get badges in though Manslaughter, especially if you unlock the M95 and play on a suitable map (Maashtur’s a good ‘un).
@MaNSLaUgHtEr wrote:
@=XDC=NeonSamurai wrote:
Hang in there Manslaughter.
(although a few comments about Max having unnatural urges about Karki, or Insane being ghey wouldn’t go amiss).
Ok, Insane you Chocolate-Alley Bandit!! Stop gaying around! Haha did that get me a few points?
Hmmm…
I’ll give you 4 points for using the words Insane, chocolate-alley, bandit and gaying.
However, if you had said: “Insane you donut-stabbing, chocolate-alley bandit! Stop being such a massive gay lord you gheyer“, then you could have earned a possible 6 points.
Insane retorted:
you feckin bottieburglar!
I’ve already explained how that anal burglary was just a misunderstanding, you chocolate whizz-way rider!
Hang in there Manslaughter.
This clan isn’t really about being a good player or anything like that. At least I hope it’s not, otherwise I’ll be thrown out. I think it’s about just being the kind of person we like to hang out with who isn’t a spaz. I’d say you’d be quids in if you carry on as you’ve been doing so far (although a few comments about Max having unnatural urges about Karki, or Insane being ghey wouldn’t go amiss).
Remember:
“You can take away something that is given, but never something which has been earned.”
Also; Insane is a massive gheyer.
