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No problem Insane. She gets top marks in the legs dept so I’ll send her round in some skimpy nurses outfit or something. I’ve seen enough mpegs on the internet to know that birds love doing that kind of thing so it shouldn’t be a problem. But I thought the same as Lammie. That bird you were nailing was very tidy so unless she was completely demented and spazzed in the brain she certainly looked like a potential keeper. Even then I’ve tended to find that it’s the really mental ones who are the biggest goers so they can be the hardest ones to dropkick, but that’s life I suppose.
So yes, Armed Assault clan tags – spent a bit of time wondering why mine weren’t working last night but I just noticed I’ve got to copy something into my profile. I’ll probably read the instructions first in future.
I don’t know Insane, it’s impossible for me to say. This is because I’ve lived in Bradford most of my life. See my problem is that birds where I come from almost invariably look like this:
So relatively speaking any female that doesn’t look like she’s just won a bout of sumo against a sperm whale is going to look like pretty good to me.
*Note*
This is potentially NOT SAFE FOR WORK. This link comes from a mate who apparently hosted this picture for her yonks ago. I’m at work though so all I get is a red X. Knowing my mate that probably means this picture is going to show some munter shagging a donkey or something. So if you’re at work you probably don’t want to scroll down whilst your frigid lesbian boss is watching.
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All I do know is that even if outside of the gutbucket capital of England* she’s a bit ropey looking she certainly has no right whatsoever to any good at a proper blokes game like Armed Assault.*This is actually true. I saw it somewhere, so all of you people can’t claim to have more fatties than Bradford. That accolade is ours and we’re all off to eat chips to celebrate.
Cheers Spunker.
You can’t knock it Fenix – that round where that APC got stuck on a rock I didn’t die once. Besides, before I joined the servers last night my mmorpg playing friend rang me to tell me she’d actually paid attention to me for once and got Armed Assault and we’d been playing co-op on it a bit earlier. Now this is relevant because I was shocked to find she was quite good at the game and I wan’t best impressed at her making me look bad by shooting all the OPFORS before I got chance. So after being made to look distinctly average by a girl at a soldier sim no amount of fecklessness on the server on my part could compare to that. Don’t worry though, I did tell her to naff off back to her orcs n dorks games and never darken my ArmA games with her presence again, so that got her told.
Ah right, once you gave me the clue it was easy – it has to be “I saw an X ray of a girl passing gas” by the Butthole Surfers.
That must mean it’s my turn:
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’Well, faster than you can say, “shallow grave”,
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, “Well that’s a coincidence darlin’,
’cause I was just thinkin’ about skinnin’ you like a deer.”
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum?”
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I’m parkin’ the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula.Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin’ through the latest issue of “Throb”,
when I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin’ seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’To make it fair DON’T read the chorus at all until you’ve guessed it or it’ll give it away. Cheers.
@=XDC=sPUNKer wrote:
heres a new one.
Let’s get ready to rumble
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
Watch us reck the mic
Watch us reck the mic
Psyche!
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
Let’s get let’s get let’s get)
(Ready ready)
(Let’s get ready ready)
(Let’s get ready ready)
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
straight up proven
We can get you groovin’
This track’s boomin’
It ain’t know hype
Watch us reck the mic
Watch us reck the mic
Psyche!
Let’s get ready to rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Get ready get steady and rumble
Everybody rumble
Sit back cracker jack
Don’t take no flack
Rhymn in time
To the rhythm of the track
I’m Ant
I’m Declan
A duo
A twosome
So many lyrics
We’re frightened to use them
So many lyrics
We’ll keep them in stores
We’ve enen got them
Co! ! min’ out of our pores
Your Father
Your Mother
Your Sister
Your Brother
Everyone’s gotta be an AKA lover
Give us the motivation
We can cause a sensation
Give us the aspiration
We can cause a sensation
Give us girls top speed
Cause the girls stampead
Stylin’ smilin’ everybody butt-whilin’
Let’s get ready to rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Get ready get steady and rumble
Everybody rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Partners in crime
We’ll never do time
A sentance for us
Has to end in a rhymn
Raw and pure like sushi
Don’t try to do me
Use me or even try to sue me
We lay down the law
We’re quick on the draw
We played it
We made it
The rest don’t score
No jokes No messin’
We teach you a lesson
A state of confusion
To keep you all guessin’
Freackin’ it sweatin’ it
Bustin’ the mic
Slammin’ it jammin’ it
Do what you like
Let’s get ready to rumble
Let’s g! ! et ready to rumble
Get ready get steady and rumble
Everybody rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Freackin’ it sweatin’ it
Bustin’ the mic
Slammin’ it jammin’ it
Do what you like
(Ready ready)
(Let’s get ready ready)
(Let’s get ready ready)
(Let’s get ready to rumble)
Watch us reck the mic
Watch us reck the mic
Psyche!
[repeat to fade]:
Let’s get ready to rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Let’s get ready to rumble
Get ready get steady and rumble
Everybody rumble
Let’s get ready to rumbleIs it “Imagine” by John Lennon?
I once knew a bird whose legs looked like ice cream cones. She didn’t when I met her to be fair but saw her a few years later and she must have been dodging salads in the meantime. Nonetheless, there was no raspberry ripple ice cream on top of those cornets. It looked like fucking Terry Waites allotment up there. Not nice.
@=XDC=iNSANE wrote:
Jump Jump
You should know, you should know that ahhh
Kris Kross is not having anything today
As we stand there totally krossed out
We commence to make youJump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump JumpDon’t try to compare us to another bad little fad
I’m the Mac and I’m bad give you something that you never had
I’ll make ya Jump Jump wiggle and shake your rump
Cause I’ll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna Jump
How high? Real high
Cause I’m just so fly
A young loveable, hugable type of guy
And everything is the back with a little slack
And inside-out is wiggida wiggida wack
I come stompin’ with somethi’ to keep you jumpin
R&B abd bullcrap is what I’m dumpin’
And ain’t something about Kris Kross we all that
So when they ask to the rocks they believe thatJump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump Jump
uh huh uh huh
Jump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump JumpI let myself knockin’ knockin’
I love it when a girl is play jockin’ jockin’
The D-A-double D-Y-M-A-C
Ya you know me
I got you jumpin’ an’ pumpin’ an’ movin’ all around G
In the mix I make ya take a step back
They try to step to the Mac then they got jacked
To the back you’ll be sportin’ the gear that’s coincidental
And like you knowit so don’t be claiming that it’s mentalTwo lil’ kids with a flow you ain’t ever heard
And none faking you can understyand every word
As you listen to my cool school melody
The Daddy makes you J-U-M-PJump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump Jump
uh huh uh huh
Jump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump JumpNow, the formalities of this and that
Is that Kris Kross ain’t comin’ off wack
And for all ya’ll sucks that don’t know
Check it outSome of them try to rhyme but they can’t rhyme like this Go Go
Some of them try to rhyme but they can’t rhyme like this Go Go
Some of them try to rhyme but they can’t rhyme like this Go Go
Some of them try to rhyme but they can’t Go Go
Cause I’m the miggida miggida miggida Mac Daddy
Miggida miggida miggida Mac
Cause I’m the miggida miggida miggida Mac DaddyI make you wanna
Jump Jump
The Mac Dad will make you Jump Jump
The Daddy Mac will make you Jump Jump
Kris Kross will make you Jump Jump
uh huh uh huh (repeat 3 more times)
Believe datIt’s not “Sit Down” by James is it?
You almost had me there Neon with all that science malarkey but then I remembered what Homer Simpson said and now I’m not sure I can believe you. He said:
“Oh, facts don’t mean anything. You can use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.”
Thanks for the warning Neon. Have to say though that Max always struck me as a good bloke and I feel sorry for him now. Jesus titty fucking Christ Max – you got shafted royally on that purchase fella.
I’d always liked the PS as well, even when the PS1 started out and had crap parts the customer service was always good and the good jap games on the PS2 (Shadow of the Colossus, Resident Evil 4 and such like) always gave it the edge over the Xbox for me.
It’s a shame, but it looks like it’s time for everyone at Sony to ram their consoles up their own fudge tunnels. Set o wankers.
What I want to know is how that bloke in Spunkers pic managed to pull those 2 nazi birds – he doesn’t even look like a proper Action Man!
There’s no justice in the world.
As a footnote – if you question what are so good about nazi birds then you need to play this game
The first game to conclusively prove that playing an FPS one handed is almost impossible.
@LeGIt wrote:
Next topic: A man can have sex with a man and not be gay.
Let’s see if the meatheads can figure that one out… and no it doesn’t involve rape….
I know the answer to this one Legit, and whilst you’re not going to like it I’ve given it some thought and decided that it’s probably best in the long run if I tell you the answer.
So here goes:-
Accept yourself for who you are fella.
Hope this is a new beginning for you.
Is travelling at high speed more dangerous than travelling at the designated speed limits? That’s an interesting question. I’ve done some research and spoken to a few people and the results are that LeGit is actually correct and the great and good do think that travelling dead fast is the way to go.
Here’s what the stars had to say:
“Travelling fast never did me any harm,†stated Top Gear favourite Richard Hammond, “except for that time I went head first into a field at 200 mph and nearly got smeared all over the countryside of course.†He added.
“What did I and Freddie Mercury have in common?†asked race ace Ayrton Senna, “We both died with blood on our helmets!†quipped the ex champion and ex alive formula 1 ace.
“I hate mongrels in cars! I’m in full control of my bike and everyone else is stupid and needs to look in the mirror!†snapped the long dead meccano-legged stuntman.
“Can someone help me and fast!, I need a number 2 desperately!” roared Frank Williams when I asked him.To an extent I’m going to stick up for the WoW players here. See, calling yourself Benny Fuzzlecock and telling yourself you’re a hobbit might sound a bit strange I admit but I really don’t think it’s any worse then pretending to be a bunnyhopping engineer and proudly proclaiming that you got your pretend minelaying badge last night because you laid your 500th pretend mine. I mean, is killing pretend dragons really any dafter than killing pretend giant tanks that walk around on giant legs? I don’t think so.
But it’s these WoW type games themselves I don’t get. If someone can tell me what’s so good about them then I’ll buy into it. You know how they work. Level 1 – click on 20 monsters and watch intently while your pretend hobbit s-l-o-w-l-y kills it whilst you watch and do nothing. Level 2 – click on 30 slightly bigger monsters and watch intently while your pretend hobbit s-l-o-w-l-y kills it whilst you watch and do nothing. Level 3 – click on 50 slightly bigger monsters and watch intently while your pretend hobbit s-l-o-w-l-y kills it whilst you watch and do nothing.
I just can’t understand why people would want to spend hours on end doing that. Good god, it’s such a chore that it’s actually a job in some countries! I shit you not! So if you’re into WoW then I say good luck to you and if you can let me know why these things are so popular I’d like to know*. Probably a waste of time though because I’ll never appreciate it.
* And before anyone starts the answer is not the old bollocks about it being “the community†and all that. If I want a sense of community I don’t put my PC on and wage war against people pretending to be orcs, I go outside and fight my scum neighbours.
