Mr.Fenix

Computer-game realism is about simulating reality. RO simulates the essential reality more wholly than any fps I’ve played so far. The way BF is going, BF5 is going to be like Quake 6. I predict Elton John will die of indecision when those two are released in the same week.

-Fenix out.

@Dazzer wrote:

😆 well said 8) does this mean i am a decent player 😉

Dazzer

A man can dream, a man can dream… 😛

list your RO game names to add to the buddy list

I’m “Mr.Fenix”

Why do they park the Titans above missile silos designed to shoot them down? Who actually owned those missile silos before the fighting broke out? And they’re fighting for what? Why? Shouldn’t someone get rid of those silos – I mean they’re dangerous?

This game is gritty realism in the same way that my turds are gritty after a peanut-butter sandwich party (man, those parties rock!).

Bring back the shuttlecocks of death. Did they actually build them wet or was it always raining just before I went to the adventure playground? In my first school, there was a big geodesic dome farme: every week somebody would have to fall off and crack their head open. It was compulsory.

-Fenix out (attracting strange looks from parents).

Let’s clear this up, Max. I’m going to open my heart to you here :twisted:.

RO is for good men who, despite being serviced by plenty of hot chicks, still have to pump themselves stupid in order to let the fuck-pressure out.

So many hot chicks, so little time. I mean, it takes upwards of an hour to make the average hot-chick cry and that doesn’t include kit-removal, conversation (…) and miscellany like eating, sleeping or work. I know what you’re thinking – but it ain’t that simple… Of course I tried doing two or three at a time, but that’s so many names to remember and sometimes the flavours don’t harmonise – having to group the wet ladies into scent groups quickly becomes a chore, as I’m sure you know.

When I’m buying Belgian chocolates (upwards of £3,000 per month), my heart beats to one song. It’s a simple song called “Beautiful Ladies”, Bill Bailey’s seminal (fnarr) salute to the one and only Chris de Burgh. It goes something like this: –

Beautiful ladies in danger, danger all round the world,
I will protect them, because I am Chris de Burgh

Beautiful ladies in emergency situations

Beautiful ladies are lovely, but sometimes they don’t take care,
They’re too busy with their makeup, or combing their lovely hair

To take basic safety precautions

But I will protect them, I will save the pretty ones,
With their smiles and their sparkling eyes

But let the ugly ones die
I have no place for them, in my new world order

I won’t waste my seed on hideous trolls.
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the trolls,
Hunt them down there shall be no clemency

Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the trolls,
Look under the bridges – that’s where they hide
(that’s where they hide)

And beauty shall be my bride.

Adios!
-Fenix

After a whole hour of careful play-testing, analysis and meditation, the voices want me to express my new understanding. I’ve distilled my new knowledge into a system of Three Precepts, which, if you swear to live by, will lead you to true happiness and hot-chicks. Each precept gently nudges your consciousness through critical doorways to reach a more complete sense of self. Absorb: –

Precept 1: BF2142 is only a good-looking game.

Precept 2: Titan mode is gayer than an OGame-flavoured Elton John.

Precept 3: THEY’VE USED THE SAME GODDAMN CODE AS BF2DEMO. EA SMELLS OF SPUNK AND CABBAGE FOREVER AND IT’S TRUE.

-Fenix out.

Additional: What’s that WW2 mod for BF2 – POE? I’m going to look for it right now.