I’ve had my eye on you!

just because I turned down your proposal there’s no need to be bitter.

I’ll never recover! 🙁

the art is great but won’t the wallpaper adhesive pull most of the picture away when the paper is removed ?

What you really need to do to freak out any future house owners is this: befriend a down and out or perhaps bring an old tom back to your pad. In the case of the tom, have a jolly good ride on her and perhaps suggest a sex game that involved tying up etc. Accidently on purpose strangle her with her own torn tights and for good measure remove a limb or 2 for effect. In the case of the down and out, make him your best buddy for 24 hours, buying him all the food and drink he can take then as an act of kindness (remember you’ve taken him off the streets so you’re paying a huge debt to society as well as saving him from any future pain and discomfort), garrotte him with some cheese wire or electrical cord.

Now, the fun bit that will have the houseowners in hysterics. You build a false wall! It doesn’t have to be that deep, as doc will agree once decomposition sets in the body will shrink. I digress, build a false wall right across the length of the bedroom, not so obvious that they will immediately want to investigate but just enough to make it a point of discussion and a plan for a future investigation and possibly the first room to redecorate. Once the wall is built, you cafefully remove a number of bricks to reveal a small void behind the new wall and you gently, actually, they’re dead so it doesn’t matter! you put the corpse of the tom/tramp into the void, being sure to position any limbs; removed or otherwise, into humourous positions that makes the corpse look like they are dancing, smoking their leg or playing air guitar on the calf.

The reason for removing the bricks after the wall is built and not just putting the bodies there then walling over them is that it needs to be obvious to the future home owner that the bricks have been removed, it wouldn’t be fun if after all that hard work they didn’t notice the false wall and your little prank went undiscovered for many years. Think how Fred and Rose West felt when it took nearly 30 years to rumble their attempts at the same prank ? The joke was completely lost on the police as times had changed and apathy had set in.

The fact that you could think of such weird shit at 6:45am scares me. Do you talk to your passengers about this? WET, you are this guy aren’t you: http://www.thelondonpaper.com/cs/Satellite/london/news/article/1157150651378?packedargs=aid%3D1157150651378%26suffix%3DArticleController

nah, can’t be WeT, he’s in his 60’s, or at least he looks it 😉

What about the “cabraderie” I have heard about, is that not a mafia style brotherhood of those with “the knowledge” that you swear secrecy to in that mysterious “Knowledge” ceremony. “cabraderie” looks and sounds italian, don’t you have a house in Italy or something? Isn’t the Mafia Italian? OMFG, WeT is the Godfather, he is probably using Pharty as “treasurer” as a money laundering front! We’ve been had!

Of course the vow of secrecy will prevent you from saying, and i may well be “sleeping with the fishes” (the hardy ones that can survive the Manchester Ship Canal).