Classic Movies – Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Not to rain on SOIA’s parade, but I thought I should mention this classic piece of cinema. Sure it might not feature ninjas, toilets or goofy Ping Ping, but that doesn’t make it a bad movie. Not at all. So if you didn’t see it the first time, why not check out:

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Now I know what you’re thinking; “Killer Klowns? It sounds to me that what’s happened is similar to the cargo cults of WWII, where American GI’s became heralded as gods by backward islanders, only this time it’s clowns and circus lore that’s become part of western mythology.” Well you’d be right, because one of the characters says something similar in the film as he, a cop and two ice cream salesmen attempt to thwart the klown invasion. But how could such a thing happen? Well there’s a fairly logical series of incidents. Firstly, some kids at ‘make out point’ see what appears to be a shooting star:

Not actually a scene from the film. There are stars ‘shooting across this bird’s chest though.

They then track the apparent star into the forest and find (bizarrely) some kind of huge circus tent, and venture inside. At first they believe it to be some kind of weird circus (which if you think about it is actually quite logical considering the appearance of what the viewer might already suspect is an alien vessel), but all that changes when they find a large room where cotton candy (candy floss) is stored. “Nobody stores cotton candy like this!” Exclaims the girl, who should keep her fucking voice down. But she’s right because the cotton candy contains a dead body!

Dead bodies often have autopsies carried out on them by nurses just like this one.

Well the women completely fucking loses it so they have to leg it whilst the Klowns fire popcorn at them. They then rush to the police station to explain to the cops what the hell they’ve just seen, but make absolutely no sense whatsoever since they keep talking about klowns, popcorn cotton candy and dead bodies. The cops don’t believe them, although the handsome one agrees to go and investigate the apparent murders providing the hysterical woman goes home.

Had the cop been a lady this is probably what she’d have looked like.

But once they arrive at the scene of the ‘murder’ there’s of course no sign of the strange ‘big top’, which if you think about it makes perfect sense. Any aliens intelligent enough to create faster than light travel would be easily able to either cloak their spaceship, or just park it around the corner from where they did all of those murders. It’s not fucking rocket science.

Rocket scientist

But the cop then has to eat humble pie when they find cars covered with cotton candy, sort of proving the kids stories.

A car, yesterday

So they quickly head into town only to find it overrun with the Killer Klowns!

This woman once saw a clown

But at the police station they find that… Ah sod it. Nobody’s reading any of this. I’m going to start writing any old shit.

Pah! That’s not camouflage, I can see her tits.

I like the brunette the best, although I’m not that bothered to be honest.

Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce. Sounds like the sort of noise that ladies boobs would make on a trampoline.

So in summary I’d thoroughly recommend Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Rating = Fantabulous.