Eureka! I’ve done it.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are poised at the pink dawn of a new age. The world will never be the same.

I, Professor Fenix have successfully tested the Ghey Bomb. Gaia just got gheyer. They said I was sexy; they said it couldn’t be done – but I proved them wrong on both counts.

It almost never happened. Pure chance led me to Nottingham and the serendipity of meeting Laura – a meeting that changed both lour lives forever. One look at her and I knew my dream was possible!

Laura was (she is no longer with us) a butch dyke of spectacular dimensions. I took some preliminary readings with my gheyger counter and began to tingle with excitement. This was the missing link, the key to untold power!

I took this unrefined lesbian and, using a patented process of fiscal exchange, enriched her to Lesbianium 69, an element which does not occur naturally in Nottingham. My geyger counter was throbbing as pinkly as it ever could. Carefully, so carefully, I maneuvred the almost-critical mass of Lesbianium 69 into the bomb casing.

At this point, it was only polite to introduce Laura to her counterpart in this gheyme of death: one unit of super-rich Elton Johnium 238. Niceties over, I sealed these disgusting, quivering masses in the bomb casing. Failsafe apparatus kept them from conjoining until the exact moment of MY choosing.

Modelled on the early atomic bombs, my ghey bomb relied on conventional high explosives detonating and forcing the two Qweers (like quarks but much fatter) into a single super-critical mass. The inherent instability caused catastrophic ultra-homosupersexual collapse in 1.034E-11 seconds. All the energy contained in the Lesbianium and Elton Johnium was released almost instantaneously. Due to the effect required, the HE was laced with a strain of Gary Glitter.

At the time of detonation, I stood well back and took the precaution of wearing ear defenders – Elton Johnium is hard on the ears in normal circumstances, but in the midst of a gheytomic explosion, the true horror is revealed. As if a rent-boy had been torn in the physical universe (just don’t go there).

The end.

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