Humorous Quotes

@Christina Martin, London wrote:

If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we’d all be calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow things up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success, make them at least sound like they were good at bombing.

@Johnny Pring wrote:

It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system.

@M Lovejoy wrote:

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that “God would make her better.” presumably, that’s a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

@S Prodnipple, Scarborough wrote:

I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.

@D Antarctica, Rhyll wrote:

So Princes Harry and William are throwing a party to celebrate the 10th anniversary of their mother’s death. I’m glad that they can finally laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh.

@Stella Matlock wrote:

I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he’s going to come out of this alive.

@Warren wrote:

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.

@Joe McKeown wrote:

To the Zookeeper in 1978 who replied “I’ll tell you when you’re older” when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one’s arse: I’m 36 now and still waiting for that explanation !!

@Neil Palmer wrote:

I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

@Colom Hill wrote:

‘Alton Towers – Where the magic never ends’, or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.