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@=XDC=OldPhart wrote:
First off Doc, glad you got out of it you hairy haggis nosher.
A couple I could recount, but the mood would have to take me first.
Nearly got chomped by a lion and stomped by an elephant. Had 2 major car accidents (really major) and had a parachute retarded 500kg bomb hang up in the tree under which I had parked my Ratel and crew. Had a cunt called Havenga shoot my bushat off my head with a shotgun when he was “making it safe”. Couple of other army type wibbles I won’t get into here.
I was hunting lion on my buddy Rudi’s farm with Rudi and his Grandfather in South West Africa on the border with Botswana, the lions had been in amongst the cattle causing havoc, so when Rudi and I popped down on pass from the army his gran’paw asked us to give him a hand in rooting a few of them out. On one particular day we were following some lion spoor from a cow kill and were walking through thick shoulder-high grass. I heard a grunt and turned about, just in time to see this 78 year old man bring his rifle to his houlder and pop a lioness in the chops, she dropped less than 5 meters from us. If Rudi’s grandfather had not paused to rumage in his pipe and been turned towards the quarter she charged from, the lioness would have fucked us good and proper, she had looped back on her spoor and when we followed up the spoor she had been stalking us for the better part of 1 kilometer.
Yonks ago, when I was a youngster playing hide-an-seek with the gooks in a placed called Angolsh, we would not infrequently get revved by Cuban piloted Migs and Sukhois. The were crap shots and would bomb from high altitude because they were shit scared of our SAMs. They typically used to drop parachute retarded 500kg he jobs and we used to hunker down and watch them miss us by miles. However, one late afternoon this fucker callen Romano, who reckoned he was shit hot (he had his plane painted black) and always pushed home his attacks from much lower, decided to come and find us boers and give us a wakey. Anyhow, we used to monitor their frequencies and used to take cover and cammo up the vehicles when we heard them clearing for take-off at Menongue and on that day we did the same but the wank-sack must have spotted something and he unloaded a couple of his eggs right over us. The first went off with a bang that I felt more than heard, then no second bang. After they had buggered off we were dusting ourselves down when my gunner pointed up into the tree under which we had parked our Ratel. There was a great big fucking green painted cunt of a bomb stuck up there with the chute caught up in the canopy. I vomited as soon as I saw it. The fuckers are supposed to cook off just above the ground and project their nasty bits downwards, how the fuck that did not happen in this case I do not know, but believe me it was a hairy moment when we moved the Ratel out, hoping the fucker would not cook-off. That little business still wakes me up sometimes and I have to open a bottle of nerve tonic before I can get back to sleep.
On a happier note Romano saw his arse when he went back to Cuba, head got a bit to big so they trimmed it down.
8)
fucking hell…
How did you know his name?!
I almost got run over once… car was doing 60 ish… I didn’t look properly – missed me by less than a meter… now I am road safe!
Jesus some amazing stories here, good thread doc.
As for me? Well I got pissed once and thought I was dead the next day…..hell of a night though.
😆
Have to say I bet dinner partys at OP’s is rather a good night with the stories I reckon he could tell.. whens me invite?
@TurksMeister wrote:
How did you know his name?!
I almost got run over once… car was doing 60 ish… I didn’t look properly – missed me by less than a meter… now I am road safe!
I forgot I actually got hit by a car just outside my wife’s flat. I’d stayed over and was heading into work with a backpack on andstepped out infront of a car in Brixton. The bumper clipped my foot and span me around onto the windscreen. Luckily my backpack absorbed the impact and threw me about fifteen feet down the road. The woman driving the car pulls over and is in a right state. So I stand up and stagger over to her car.
Now here’s the surreal bit; No body pays any attention to me, but two or three passersby go to check if the driver of the car is okay(!??!?!). Sure it was my fault, but nobody comes to ask me if I’m hurt or anything, if fact by the time I reach the car I’m getting nasty looks from the passersby. I appologise to the woman in the car and tell her I’m alright (turns out I’m not) and that I’m sorry to have given her a scare, all the men just stare at me in silence. When she drives off I hobble to a bus stop and go to work, worried that I’m very close to being beaten up.
By about 10am I’m shivering through shock and my ankle has swollen up. So I get sent home. I have to send my boss an email along the lines of ‘Been hit by a car, going home early.’
@Insane wrote:
Have to say I bet dinner partys at OP’s is rather a good night with the stories I reckon he could tell.. whens me invite?
Sean has a few tales to tell. I’ve relayed that one about the lion to some of my anti-hunting associates who think lions are cuddly and kind. And WET’s told me a few stories about Lord Phartsbury that’d make a good book.
Actually Pharty, maybe you should write a book?
Yeah I agree – pharts autobiography! I would buy it. Love the lion story… flippin eck puts my possum hunting in NZ into perspective 😀
On the other hand can I please request that madmax…..
@=XDC=MADMAX wrote:
Crashed in to a bus stop
never attempts to write a book about his life. 🙄 😀 🙄 😀
@xdc the doc wrote:
Yeah I agree – pharts autobiography! I would buy it. Love the lion story… flippin eck puts my possum hunting in NZ into perspective 😀
On the other hand can I please request that madmax…..
@=XDC=MADMAX wrote:
Crashed in to a bus stop
never attempts to write a book about his life. 🙄 😀 🙄 😀
why would he write a book?? Havent you seen the movies?!?!? 😛
@Cha0sEngine wrote:
why would he write a book?? Havent you seen the movies?!?!? 😛
Yeah, but I thought the one where Steve Brown went up against Tina Turner and the bloke from ‘Flying Doctors’ wasn’t so good.
@=XDC=NeonSamurai wrote:
@Cha0sEngine wrote:
why would he write a book?? Havent you seen the movies?!?!? 😛
Yeah, but I thought the one where Steve Brown went up against Tina Turner and the bloke from ‘Flying Doctors’ wasn’t so good.
LOL ❗ ❗
We knew his name because we had a special monitoring station in South West that monitored all radio traffic throughout southern africa so we knew what they were up to all the time. We also had recce commondos watching all their key bases, so our intel was often very good and very timely.
As for a book, I dunno, I cannot remember a lot of stuff because it is repressed, or I was pissed, I was constantly pissed during our COIN ops, whcih is why the campers that drove the tanks gave me the nickname Gilbies. I used to carry two square bottles of Gilby’s Gin, half full of gin and topped up with tonic or bitter lemon, these took the place of the standard 2 litre water bottles and I would start drinking as soon as I woke up.
I started writing some stuff years back, but because I buned all my diaries in a drunken fit I cannot verify dates, times etc, so it would be a pointless excercise. There are also only a couple of army buddies I am still in touch with and they are scattered all over the globe. The rest have either topped themselves, punched their tickets in car accidents, been taken out in South Africas crime or seen their arses as PMC’s in various little wars around the world.
Pfffft – Bomaby saphire is the only way to go m8.
Anyways…. I have to say i have been a bit scared of the water since my experience – but forced myself to go out this weekend in some of the biggest waves of my life 🙂
Ave it! as max would say.
Errrrrrr……………….. Ive been shot? Twice. Does that count? Only in the leg by a AK-47 still hurt like hell thou!! Nearly caught one in the shoulder aswell. Got into a little fire fight in Iraq, we bugged out as soon as we could. All was well, we didnt lose anyone and as we always did after such fun with the happy to see us locals, we hit the bar. It was then that one of my mates spotted that I had a big ruddy hole in the right arm of my combats that seemed to have a almost identical hole on the other side. I took the jacket off to find a lovely stream of blood flowing down my arm from a bullet shaped gash!!! Never felt it happen but I can honestly say I went very pale had to sit down and drink lots of whiskey. On top on that all my mates took the piss out of me!!!
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