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BTW, the wench who plays Gawd in Dogma was Bjork yes/no?
God in Dogma was played by Alanis Morrisette. Great film, Kevin Smith is a Catholic, and the film is a celebration of Catholicism, just wrapped up in his own unique way. I hold no truck with the people who are attacking Dan Brown, he’s just an author who wrote a popular book, but he did nick large chunks of it from other books and I didn’t think it was paticularly well written, Bernard Cornwell writes a much better historical fiction novel IMHO, as do countless other people.
It starts with a murder of some french guy and an American dude (Tom Hanks) is suspected, he meets the french guys daughter and they go on the run when they find a cryptic message and starts a quest for the “holy grail” and the truth behind the knight templars (a group of nights from the crusades who were apparently gaurdians of a secret so big it could bring down the Church) and they are pursued the police and a monk from a sect of the church called Opus Dei (opus dei are conservative mainly lay group who have a lot of sway in the Vatican, and they don’t have monks). Big chase, yadda yadda yadda, not going to say any more just in case you watch it and moan at me for ruining it.
@=XDC=MADMAX wrote:
thwap thwap thwap
The sound of Max Chopper Whoring.
(Now that is fucking genius on two levels)
Cowboy
@CowboyUK wrote:
@=XDC=MADMAX wrote:
thwap thwap thwap
The sound of Max Chopper Whoring.
(Now that is fucking genius on two levels)
Cowboy
Except he cant fly 😛
Would have been better if you had said the sound of max healing whoring 😛
Yeah, that’s the bird in the schoolgirl outfit. Gagging for it, obviously.
As is customary in these situations here is the order I’d do her in:
1. Arse
2. Gob
3. BUTCHERS DUSTBIN.it’s a nice fiction book, but all these conspiracy theories and discovery spending hours of unraveling the da vinci code, and the church bringing out vids how to deal with people who read it is just shite.
It’s fiction let’s keep it that way. But then again the bible is fiction and people get their panties in a bunch over it alsoJust watched it and i enjoyed it.
I liked the book alot, so unless the film was nothing like the book i always was going to enjoy it.
The book is better. *as they always are*
Watched this last night. So here’s my definitive review.
Let’s get one thing out of the way first. Either I missed something very basic about this storyline or it had a plot hole in it the size of Elton Johns tea towel holder that rendered the entire story pointless. But let’s ignore that for now.
What we’ve got here is blatant plagiarism. Which is a pretty effing flash word for a Thursday morning, I can tell you. Even if I did probably arse up the spelling. This is a flimsy and pretty poor rip off of Treasure Hunt, the Channel 4 game show which featured Anneka Rice’s backside and a helicopter.
So what went wrong? Well it’s just a catalogue of bad casting and “character development†which makes an absolute mockery of the original I’m afraid.
For reasons unknown the old man in the studio is played by Gandalf in this film and they obviously thought it would be “funny†to make him a cripple and then, rather than having him sat in a comfy studio looking at ordnance survey maps they had him trying to run around all over the shop. Ho ho ho Mr Director, so it’s a good laugh watching someone whose legs don’t work trying to get somewhere in a hurry is it? Maybe he lost the use of his legs in a war or something defending your right to make crap films? Ever thought of that? No, didn’t think so. I’m sorry, but taking the piss out of people who need walking sticks is not cool. -1 to the film makers on that score then.
The contestants are played by Tom Hanks and some bird out of “Allo Allo†and let’s not even start on this. Suffice to say that they also have to run around looking for the treasure. That’s right! I mean, Eh? I know you expect some differences from the original but have these bozos ever even seen Treasure Hunt!!???
Which leaves us with Anneka Rice. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. I know she was a bit annoying with her stupid chirpy voice and slightly squashed face but she was still a passable bird I’d say. What did she do to deserve her character being turned into some masochistic perv who can’t even talk proper. That’s not all though, they just wouldn’t stop with her character assassination. Even on gypsy week I’d put money on the fact that Anneka Rice would never a) shoot an old man b) hit a nun and c) fight with the poh-lice. Honestly, she should sue for defamation.
What is even more puzzling is that they adapted Treasure Hunt into a film in the first place. Everyone knows that “The Interceptor†was absolutely smashing and far superior to Treasure Hunt in every way. Maybe the film makers didn’t feel up to it and in the end that’s a good thing judging by this shambles. At least The Interceptor is a classic that remains untouched by these Hollywood types who seem intent on cocking up everything.
I find it very difficult to score this film in any way, shape or form. Terrible remake, a story which didn’t even hang together and a complete lack of any tits and only one bird who wasn’t even more than average looking. Good god, a complete disaster of a film.
*edit*
Looking back at this thread I can see that we got some pictures of Salma Hayek in her duds into it for some reason. So the film gets 1 out of 10 for that reason (and only that reason).
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