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@Lensman wrote:
Tit Monday, in particular, is pretty good here. We have a high female to male ratio, apparently.
This is true, but a word of warning. Too many “ladies” and not enough slags in Nottingham. Basically, you’re pretty much guaranteed to pull but when they find out you live miles away they don’t want pub walling. Frigid fucking lesbians.
I used to go to Nottingham a lot in my twenties and this is generally what happened. Pulled a right scorcher once and got fuck all out of it. I rang her a few times afterwards and she seemed interested but I thought bollocks to it. No shag is worth that much effort.
*edit* Totally unrelated. But just saw this and it made me laugh. One for the Everton fans. Yes, both of ’em.
@=XDC=NeonSamurai wrote:
Hmmm…
More controversey. I’d go in this order:
Hayek: Pizza Hut, The Cinema then maybe a kebab.
Cruz: Coffee, Pub Lunch and then hang around the bus station.
By ‘eck, you’re not one of these “new men” are you Neon? You’ll be telling us that you’d be offering to pay for the birds chips next!!
Thanks for the heads up Insane. Got to be said, it’s absolutely criminal there’s no clam jousting but I’ll keep an eye out for it regardless.
Yeah, that’s the bird in the schoolgirl outfit. Gagging for it, obviously.
As is customary in these situations here is the order I’d do her in:
1. Arse
2. Gob
3. BUTCHERS DUSTBIN.I did a search on these and suddenly realised that I’d actually heard one of their songs!
‘Kinnell. Imagine that! That’s right – a pop band and I’ve actually heard one of their songs! Couldn’t believe it. Given that I haven’t listened to the radio since I was about 8 years old and have watched hardly any music programmes in the last 25 years I really have no idea where I heard it though. Who knows. Maybe I came home one day and the missus had MTV on and it was playing whilst gave her some verbal about using my telly when I’m not about. You can’t trust birds with music you know. The only way I’ve managed to avoid murder is to ban mine from playing any of her cds when I’m in the house.
But anyway this bloke from this band actually pisses me off. Here’s why. If someone had come up to me 5 years ago and said that I could just talk over some nondescript music and people would actually buy it I’d have told ‘em to pull the other one. Fucking hell, I could have done that!
Eeeeh, I don’t know.
I can’t remember who was in Dogma, but the bird I’m thinking of definitely wasn’t that fucking Dark Crystal gelfling turned crap singer bjork. No, no, no. It was the same bird who danced about with a snake in that vampire film and was also in some Wild, wild western with the arch king of being an annoying twat – Will f***ing Smith.
Incidentally, she is one of only 3 birds that I’d like to have first dibs on when XDC takes over the world (it would have been 4 but that Angelina Jolie shagged Brad Pitt. No way am I swimming in that blokes bits).
@von smallhousen wrote:
8) or just give me your address, I’ll take care of it.
you got wheelchair access?
That’s a noble offer there Von but skidding into the place via the easy access ramp and trying to run the kid down with your chair whilst screaming “Ahhhhhh Timmmeeeeeyyyyy!” has so many potential pitfalls it doesn’t really bear thinking about.
Well the bloke who did Dogma should have got a prize for having the good sense to get that tidy bird to dance around in a schoolgirl outfit. If he’d had made the rest of the film 2 minutes long and that scene an hour and 27 minutes longer it would have been the greatest film ever made.
That would work but you then have the potentially disastrous situation that you’ll be sat in the pub one day and a group of real ninjas will saunter in and start pushing around the locals, feeling the barmaids arse and generally looking to start a ruck. Of course, everyone is then gonna expect you to give ’em all some hand cannon. Good luck with that.
Just wait until he’s out in his best red jumper and then shout at the hardest looking bloke (when he’s not looking of course) “Oi, soft cunt, do you like my red jumper?†and then just fade slowly into the background.
That should take care of him and you don’t even have to raise a finger.
I don’t care how cool and rock hard he thinks he is. Any rap star who has to call themselves “28 pence” when they tour the UK loses all credibility.
That “Over There” is on one of the satellite channels. I’d tell you which one but I was never interested enough to watch it so I don’t know. My advice would be to give it a miss and stick UK Gold on. They’ve been showing “Porridge” recently. Marvellous programme.
Unfortunately, Tit Monday in Bradford is a bit like trying to knock one out at Sea World. Yeah, there’s one or 2 in the crowd that get you going but these huge fucking whales keep blocking your view and making your eyes bleed just as you reach the vinegar strokes. It’s a porn trauma and a half, I can tell you.
Besides, I’ve been scarred for life by birds in summer ever since that scratter was sat outside the pub yonks ago with a classy denim mini skirt on and no apple catchers. Jesus Christ, that was one hairy clopper. I thought she had a fucking wookie in a leg lock.
@=XDC=NeonSamurai wrote:
Besides, these expacks aren’t the £20 that RtR (not bad) and SWWWII (pos) were, they’re £6 the price of a pack of fags or 3 pints and will no doubt will provide more hours of fun and less likely to lead to a coronary/liver problems.
From what I hear, that’s not quite true for Max…
Agreed. Drinking 3 pints of Old Pec is one of the most worthwhile things you can do of an evening.
Here’s some advice to politicians (other than shoot yourselves, which is a given):
If you are going to use your “powerful” job to get bints to shag then, and this is vitally important this bit, make sure the bint doesn’t look like a champion dog fighter. Honestly, finding the most gopping old slapper you can and then proclaiming to the country that you’ve done her doesn’t make you look good.
Fuck me Prescott, I’m a 33 year old ugly, mysogonistic thug and even I can pull a better looking slag than that thing. If you’re going to try to make out that you’re a bloody fanny magnet then at least bone an airhead that’s got a wazzo pair of jugs and has something going for her in the looks department.
Jesus Christ, that bird I humped who worked on the checkout at Tescos in Halifax years ago looked like Miss World compared to that munter that Prescott is banging.
