My evening……..

ok, so i get hailed in Regent Street this evening by a smartly dressed man, i stop and he procedes to open the door and let his mate get in…all normal so far! I ask the equally well dressed man where he wants to go and he replies in a some what drunk but not too OTT manner that he would like Fulham Broadway so with that i’m off on my way to Fulham.

The journey itself is uneventful, the guy is slipping in and out of his sleep and i’ve got the radio low so that it doesn’t disturb. As we are nearing Fulham broadway the guy asks me to stop outside the Chelsea ground so i comply with his request and stop where i can………now the fun begins!

The meter is reading £12.40 and the guy tells me he has no cash but he does have a credit card………i politely point out that had he told me at the beginning about the credit card it would have been easier as i have to get it authorised etc etc but no matter i’l see what i can do……..i try to get it authorised and its refused! I point this out to the guy and he starts asking me what am i going to do about it ?, well theres nothing i can do other than ask him if he has another card to which he hands me a bit of paper with a telephone number on it and tells me thats his payment!! wtf?
We then have a “discussion” about me wasting his time, why should he be expected to pay a fare from regent street to fulham, that it should be free etc etc and again we go around in circles about me wasting his time and me pointing out the fineries of law such as paying for services etc etc……..so by this time i’m getting very pissed off, i know if i let him out to use a cash machine i’m not going to see him again or worse he’s gonna hit my cab then i’m going to punch his lights out which i want to avoid so my only course of action is to go to the local nick.

I pull off with him in the back telling me to turn left, right etc all of which i ignore until i manage to get outside Fulham nick, i then jump out, lock the fucker in the cab and go into the nick asking the nice lady at the counter for a copper to help me with an aggressive customer. A few minutes pass while i’m waiting and the guy is remonstrating and trying to climb out the window, thankfully the 2 police officers turn up and get the guy out the cab. They ask him whats been happening and he tells them that he doesn’t have any money but he does have a card which is the same one i tried to validate twice.anyhows the police ask the guy several times if he’s going to pay the cab driver to which he keeps replying that he needs to take a piss and if they let him go and have one he will pay me…the officers tell him its quite easy, you pay the cabbie and we let you go! This goes on for several minutes and by now the guy is saying that he had paid me (like i’m gonna be wasting my time by now) and starts to get aggresive with the officers……..they then say enough is enough and caution him for being drunk and disorderly……when they search him they find his wallet and thankfully inside is another credit card! they point out to him that the driver is going to try and get payment off this card and that if he wants to use the toilet he now can………to which he replies…………“i’ve been”!!!!!! all three of us look down to the floor just as the first trickles are running out the bottom of his trousers over his nice shoes and forming a gently moving river down the pavement, at the same time his dark trousers seem to be getting darker around the groin area! As you can imagine, hilarity ensues and the guy starts getting all stroppy with me calling me a hero etc to which i reply i probably am a hero as i was certain he was gonna drive in his state so i’ve probably saved someones life………..he then tells me i’m a real man to which i point out i must be as the last time i pissed myself i was about 3 years old 😆 The coppers are laughing at him too and the female copper also pointed out that she too hadn’t wet herself since nappies……suffice to say he was taken down to the cells to sleep it off before no doubt being released with a PCN for £40 and stinking of piss and having to explain to the missus why the car will no doubt be clamped tomorrow and how could he get himself into such a state…………all this from a 45 year old! 😯

Still, a good nights work for the little guy………..got paid, laughed my tits off watching a grown man wet himself and best of all got the fucker nicked! 😈

i’m off to bed now………… 😀