sickofitall

Well I tip my hat to this Nobbish-Nob person. I’ve had a bit of a think, and in a lifetime of apathy, laziness and drunken idiocy I can’t think of anything I have ever achieved which seems even half as pointless, unimpressive and completely underwhelming as this.

So here’s an idea for people who actually care about pretend computer game ribbons and ranks: Next time you get one, make yourself a badge! Yes, a real badge! All you need is a piece of card, a safety pin and some sellotape. You’ll then have a tangible reward for all your wasted time – imagine that!

Here’s the official design, just print it, cut it out and stick it on and fail to impress all your friends.

The Sims 2 is living proof that us blokes are f*cking gullible idiots. I’ll tell you why. I’ve seen the Sims 2 first hand at a friends house and it’s fair to say that it’s obviously been made to get more birds and puddle jumpers playing on PC’s. But here’s the thing – the game works. No major bugs, no ctd’s or any of that nonsense. Why? Well I’ll tell you. Females play it and the games makers know that females would not put up with any of that crap. That’s a fact. Think about it. When was the last time your other ‘arf got the hump about something and then stopped and said “You know, this thing that’s annoying me, I’ve decided it really doesn’t matter so I’ll let it go”. Never. Doesn’t happen. At best you’ll get half an hours peace as you’re put through the silent treatment before she goes barmy apeshit, but no way on gods green earth is she gonna forget about it. Come on, you know I’m right. EA are laughing their bollocks off that 2142 is still not working and loads of nerdy blokes are stamping their feet on forums but even they don’t want 10,000 women on gypsy week (gypsy week, you know when this is because if you put your hand down her knickers you’ll get your palm red) coming round and kicking the shit out of them because the Sims 2 keeps crashing.

But I can’t stick the game. I get up in a morning, have some breakfast. Go to work. Come home. Get a bit of earache off the missus. Stick my PC on and play a game for a bit then got to bed. I don’t want to get up in a morning, have some breakfast. Go to work. Come home. Get a bit of earache off the missus. Stick my PC on and play a game where I get up in a morning, have some breakfast. Go to work. Come home. Get a bit of earache off the missus. Stick my PC on and play a game for a bit then got to bed and then go to bed. Where’s the sense in that??

The best thing about The Sims 2 is that the lass I know who plays it has the most wanktastic pins I’ve ever seen. So it’s not all bad.

When I was about 23 or 24 I went out all the time. This one Saturday I ended up knocking about with this girl I knew. Now being Saturday I probably got into town about half one/2pm and spent the afternoon in the pub. I’d have had maybe a fish butty for my dinner or maybe a Bradford salad (that’s a bag of chips, by the way) and after buying my tea in town I’d have gone back to the pub. So basically I’d have been drinking pints for a good 8 hours before going up to the local shithole of a nightclub.

So I remember leaving this nightclub being a bit the worse for wear with this girl I knew in tow. God knows what she was up to at this point because I could barely even see but having on my beer cape which had temporarily turned me into a super hero I decided I could walk along the top of this wall outside, no bother. As it turned out some fucker shook the wall whilst I was on it and I fell, seriously knacking my wrist whilst I was at it. Even with all the booze it hurt like a bastard.

So I get in a taxi with this girl and I take her back to my house. I did tell her that I wasn’t really capable, what with having had more beer than I could remember and having a wrist that felt like it had been run over by a bus but to her credit she was quite persuasive and so I ended up doing the deed. There I was, head spinning, barely conscious with one fucked up wrist behind my back doing one armed press ups over this bloody woman notwithstanding the fact that the pain was trying to kill my hardon just as much as all the alcohol. If anything this was a triumph of willpower over adversity if ever you saw it. And it’s a good job you didn’t or you’d have probably thought some simple bird was getting tupped by a moaning incoherent mong – it can’t have looked good.

Despite all this did I get so much as a “well played” off anyone for my efforts? I mean, it’s all very well Diecist and his missus getting all the congratulations cos they had a shag 9 months ago but I’d have to say that I think it’s a bit unfair that I don’t get any plaudits for my efforts. I don’t know, this country! There’s no justice that’s for sure.

Well, despite what you lot say, Sven Svenson, the head of Dice, has declared the new patch a resounding success:

“Yo bitches, enjoy the new patch, it’s the shit!”

I’ve just read that the whole single player campaign on Armed Assault will be playable co-operatively. That’s good news for me cos on OFP I always enjoyed getting to the tree line while a mate covered me then shooting the gullible gimp in the legs so he had to crawl those 500 yards to cover. Ah, good laughs.

@Lensman wrote:

But for all their cleverness, the Romans had one bloody long-winded numbering system. A big “yay!” for the Arab system we use instead….

You might think so, but if I’ve heard that I I must have heard it M times, so there you go.

@=XDC=OldPhart wrote:

Shame on you Insane, you massive gheyer.

The correct term would be “For shame, you rake and catamite”

Either that or “stop being a fucking puff”.