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To Paul *Deicist* and Ailsa *His Girlfriend*
They are expecting there first child around 10th July 2007!
Congrats to you both!
When I was about 23 or 24 I went out all the time. This one Saturday I ended up knocking about with this girl I knew. Now being Saturday I probably got into town about half one/2pm and spent the afternoon in the pub. I’d have had maybe a fish butty for my dinner or maybe a Bradford salad (that’s a bag of chips, by the way) and after buying my tea in town I’d have gone back to the pub. So basically I’d have been drinking pints for a good 8 hours before going up to the local shithole of a nightclub.
So I remember leaving this nightclub being a bit the worse for wear with this girl I knew in tow. God knows what she was up to at this point because I could barely even see but having on my beer cape which had temporarily turned me into a super hero I decided I could walk along the top of this wall outside, no bother. As it turned out some fucker shook the wall whilst I was on it and I fell, seriously knacking my wrist whilst I was at it. Even with all the booze it hurt like a bastard.
So I get in a taxi with this girl and I take her back to my house. I did tell her that I wasn’t really capable, what with having had more beer than I could remember and having a wrist that felt like it had been run over by a bus but to her credit she was quite persuasive and so I ended up doing the deed. There I was, head spinning, barely conscious with one fucked up wrist behind my back doing one armed press ups over this bloody woman notwithstanding the fact that the pain was trying to kill my hardon just as much as all the alcohol. If anything this was a triumph of willpower over adversity if ever you saw it. And it’s a good job you didn’t or you’d have probably thought some simple bird was getting tupped by a moaning incoherent mong – it can’t have looked good.
Despite all this did I get so much as a “well played†off anyone for my efforts? I mean, it’s all very well Diecist and his missus getting all the congratulations cos they had a shag 9 months ago but I’d have to say that I think it’s a bit unfair that I don’t get any plaudits for my efforts. I don’t know, this country! There’s no justice that’s for sure.
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