sickofitall

Insane’s got a point!

After that though I would have thought that you should have a sit down with a cup of coffee. Turn the telly off and wait till everyone else has gone out. Once you’ve done that you can then sit in silence for a minute and start to think. Think about the hours and hours you played it. Think about the days and days. The weeks and months of your life you’ve spent on that game.

Time you will never get back.
Time you will never recover.

Time spent repetitively clicking on thousands and thousands and thousands of different coloured ratmen who shouted “You take no candle!” so you could s-l-o-w-l-y up a counter on a different screen until it reached 70 whilst all around you just outside your door fit birds walked around in the sunshine with their bits hanging out, people got drunk, laughed, joked, had sex, won the lottery, bought expensive yachts and travelled the world and saw real canyons, jungles, deserts and volcanoes.

While you sat inside.
In front of a computer screen.
Clicking.
Getting tired.
Getting headache.
Clicking…clicking…clicking

Oh, congratulations on level 70, by the way.

To be fair WeT, you can’t really be surprised. The organisers should really have foreseen 100,000 people all trying to leave as quickly as possible when Guns n Roses appeared on stage. It was just an accident waiting to happen.

I remember the days of Donington though, always good when it rained and all those terrible 80s perms got ruined. And the birds got wet as well of course.

@=XDC=NeonSamurai wrote:

How many of you watched ‘Why don’t you?’ as kids? Well I didn’t because it told me not to in the opening credits.

That’s a very good point Neon but if only just once you’d ignored those opening credits you would no longer feel the need to do everything the telly tells you. That’s because you were being lied to and you would have realised. See what happened after the opening credits was that some kids with big ears from some UK backwater would tell you in some incomprehensible accent what you could do in your free time. Since this activity invariably involved folding up a bit of coloured paper and cutting it with a pair of scissors doing it was actually marginally even more boring than staying inside and watching a bunch of kids with big ears and incomprehensible accents fold up a bit of coloured paper and cut it with a pair of scissors on “Why Don’t You”.

If I were you I’d probably want to get revenge for those years of deceit. Dunno how though. It might be an idea for you to get hold of a copy of “Manhunt 2” and give it a bash for half an hour then get yourself a taxi down to the BBC and see what transpires.

Rockstar to release sequel to completely average game on 6 year old console that everyone has chucked in their loft and the Wii, which no-ones bothered about anyway (except for girls who like to wave a bit of plastic around and pretend they’re playing tennis – here’s an idea – rather than running around your living room swinging your arms around pretending to hit an imaginary tennis ball you could go outside and err, well, play tennis). It’s estimated that a good 10 or 20 people might buy it!

Sequel banned amongst a storm of controversy, grabbing headlines all over the shop and making everyone wish they could find out what all the fuss was about.

Rockstar appeal the banning a bit later on after lots of furore and after a lot of very public debating upon the shocking content of the game that has to be “seen to be believed”, the ban is lifted.

The BBFC censors admit they made a hasty decision and that it’s okay for the game to be released after all, before taking off in their brand spanking new private jets for a smashing summer holiday in the beautiful setting that is the picturesque city of Vancouver. Lovely!

I’ve never been to Glastonbury because it’s for tree hugging hippies but I did go to a few of these music festival things in my younger days. My advice would be to camp as far away from any of the toilets as possible and the edge of the field because the bogs get so rough people will use the edge of the field to turn one out.

Now I’m not going to be there so you should be okay but on the off chance that there is some complete and utter c**t there like me don’t go to the portaloo drunk in the dark because someone is likely to tip it over, door side down while you’re in it and leave you there all night. Granted, it’s so funny for everyone else they’ll cry laughing but if you’re the victim you’re not likely to see the funny side.

The world is full of fannies these days so you shouldn’t have to worry but have a look around before you camp. You don’t want to end up next to a group of idiots who are going to listen to loud nihilistic music till 4 every morning, chop down trees and chuck them on people’s tents, get drunk and sleep in the nearest tent they can find to the one they think is their own* and generally act like tossers and ruin everyone’s weekend. Not that I’ve ever seen or done anything like this of course, but it could happen.

If you’re going with a load of your mates try to make sure that there is a gaggle of fanny nearby**. They should certainly be 18 year old students who are dead excited about being allowed out to their first festival.

It is considered bad form to get carried away in the “mosh pit” at a festival and break someone’s leg. Still, you can have a laugh about it later.

If there is one of these “right on” bands who have decided to camp with the “fans” in one of the fields do make sure that if you come across them you drunkenly tell them that they’re shit and their music is for puffs. Bands like this type of feedback from the punters and while they may react badly initially they’ll appreciate it later.

Tell your pissed up mate not to worry about the 3 foot deep puddles and the dark, because you’ll go with him to make sure he gets some cigs and makes it safely back – then take him to the middle of nowhere and leave him there (now that was funny).

After the festival, if you accidentally reverse over some kids car in your hired 15 seater mini bus whilst leaving it’s actually okay to speed off before you get caught.

*If you do this you’ll be glad you thought of **this because if you play your cards right since it’s a startlingly successful way of getting a shag at a music festival. (Another good tip is to talk to the birds who were stupid enough to pitch next to the fast food vans. After the first night of being kept up by the generators they run they’ll be gagging to find a bloke to knock about with of an evening and you’re guaranteed some action.)

Them scousers – they’ll nick anything.

I found my post about this game from earlier so here it is

@sickofitall wrote:

I bought a 360 and the fucking rip off conning bastards actually charge you to change your online name.

Now I’ve said that let me just say, for the benefit of everyone who thinks I’m taking the piss:

**The following sentence is not a joke**

I bought a 360 and the fucking rip off conning bastards actually charge you to change your online name.

**The above sentence is not a joke**

That’s right, you have to pay to change your online name. Not that they got a penny from me of course, but still. What this means is if you want to change your online name you have to pay money so that you can change your online name! Unbelievable. Fucking wankers.

So anyway Turks, Gears of War is decent but there’s not much else out just yet. There is a game coming out called “The Darkness” though which has to be the single most ill conceived game of all time on account of the fact that:
• It’s named after a terrible joke rock band
• The lead character that you play is some kind of fucking goth!
• It’s based on a comic but can’t be taken seriously because it doesn’t feature luminous yellow goblins or men whose families have been killed so to exact revenge they dress up like a giant bat because they had some bats fly in their face when they were a kid and you know, that’s what you’d do if your parents got blatted in front of you – you’d dress up like a giant bat. Course you would. Right.

But yeah, it looks alright.